A Month Ago…

A month ago, I weighed 20.5 lbs more than I do today!  Praise God!!  As many of you know, I started a better eating journey on Monday, April 9th.  My goal was to lose 20 lbs by my daughter’s Senior Breakfast and Capping Ceremony.  The breakfast is this upcoming Wednesday.  I reached my goal!!  Yea for me!

It’s been a long journey, and I still have quite a few miles to go, but I did it!  I also learned a few things about myself, and about food:

  • I learned that weighing 20 lbs less is delightful!  I have dropped a dress size.  I went to get dressed the other morning and pulled out a pair of capri pants from last summer and they were literally hanging on my hips!  Do you know how good that feels?!?!  I want to jump and dance around my bedroom…except my pants would have fallen off!  I put on a blouse I hadn’t been able to wear for a couple of years because of the ole “gap”…some of you ladies know about the “gap”.  No, it’s not the clothing store with cool clothes.  It’s that gap that I swear clothing manufacturers create on purpose by skillfully placing buttons around the area that gaps!!  The blouse had  no gap!  I love being gapless!
  • I’ve been sleeping better.  I have had a lot of problems with sleeping.  I always thought it was because I watched TV before bed and while watching TV, had a laptop in my lap editing photos or working on something!  I also thought maybe it was because we ate so late because of my daughters’ dance schedule.  Well, apparently, it was my weight that was keeping me from getting a good night’s sleep!  I thought about it this way….imagine sleeping with a 20 lbs bag of potatoes sitting on your midsection while trying to sleep!  Yep, I think it was the weight that was keeping me from my dreams of William Levy….
  • I’ve not been as tired.  This of course, is probably because I can actually sleep at night!  Before I lost the weight, at around 3pm every afternoon at work, I would become so tired, I had to do things to keep myself awake!  I had to get up and walk around.   I had to turn music on.  I had to EAT something!  I feel like I get so much more accomplished by not being tired!
  • I don’t really “need” sugar or pasta or bread.  Don’t get me wrong…I still adore Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and a good plate of Spaghetti and Meatballs (I actually had 1 meatball the other night–yum!) and a good sandwich, but I don’t have to eat loads of them!  I can have one on occasion and be all right with that!   I know that I will never be able to eat those things like I used to.  I know that my future holds mostly protein and veggies!  But I also know that if I tell myself I can never have those things again, I will go back to eating them on a daily basis.
  • I feel better about myself.  I have always battled with weight.  I have always hated myself for being fat.  I have always hated that I didn’t have better self control.  I have now taken control.  I have done something about my situation.  I have taken back my life!  I feel empowered.    God showed me something one day when I was meditating on God’s Word and my weight loss.  He showed me that I had always used weight as a mechanism….a mechanism to keep from sinning against God!!  You see, when I was in high school, I used my weight to keep men away.  There was something in me that kept me from losing weight because I was afraid!  I was afraid that if I was skinny, I would become one of “those” girls.  That I would be too tempted to say yes if ever being asked out by one of the popular boys, and too tempted to say yes if he, well,….you get the idea!  I also used my weight to keep my ex husband at arm’s length.  I was too fat for him to love me.  I was too fat for anyone to love me!   I now know that I am a better person than that.   I can say no.  I can keep my morals.  I am strong enough to not let my emotions take over.  I actually always was, but just didn’t know it.
  • I am being a good example for my daughters.  I haven’t always been the best example for my daughters.  It pains me to think of all the things my children have seen from their “Godly” mother.  I haven’t always done things the right way.  I haven’t always been the picture of saint in front of my children.  It is only by God’s mercies that my children are as wonderful as they are!  It’s only by God’s grace that they are not wild and rebellious!    Actually, my daughters have been a good example for me!  They cheer me on when I lose a pound or two.  They get excited with me when I fit into a smaller size.  They encourage me when I have to eat another salad!!  They try to get me to exercise with them (notice I said they “‘try” to?!?!  This is one area they’ve been unsuccessful!!  Lol…)  They are my own personal cheerleaders!  I hope that by seeing their mom take control, and move on from a bad situation, they will be strong and courageous to do things differently.
  • I am ready to lose more weight!!  This is the longest I’ve ever been able to stay on a “diet”.  I think there were several factors that helped me make it this time and be successful.  First of all, I did it for me.  I know that sounds selfish, but I think you have to lose weight for yourself.  It can’t be for a man, or your children, or a job or anything else.  It has to be for you!  I’m not generally a selfish person, but I knew that this time, I needed to lose weight for me.  I am getting older and it’s not going to get any easier.  I don’t want to have a heart attack, or diabetes or any other condition/sickness brought on by obesity.  I want to be healthy so I can play with my grandbabies, and watch them grow up.  I want to live a long life!   Secondly, I’m in a new period of life.  I’ve been separated from my husband for 4 years now.  My daughters are growing up.  I want a totally different second half of my life than the first half.  I don’t want to use my weight to put things off, or avoid things anymore.  I want to be at a healthy weight for me.  I know I will never be skinny, but I will be healthy!
  • I know I am going to the Happiest Place on Earth on May 29th for a whole week and I know that I will not be following a diet!  I hear your audible *gasps*.  Yea, yea…I’ve heard all the comments about “You don’t want to gain all the weight back, do you?” (Courtesy of my mom!) and “You need to learn how to eat when you go places…” (courtesy Weight Watchers many diets ago), but you know what?!?!  It’s the Happiest Place on Earth!!  There are no diets on the Happiest Place on Earth!  Part of my journey is that I can give myself permission for one week to eat what I want because I will be walking a gazillion miles every day!!!  Last time I went to Disney, I think I came home with a weight loss due to all the walking!  I’m not going to be a slave to my weight loss!  I will eat a Dole Whip or a pastry from Bolangerie Patisserie if I want.  I will just do it with a little more self control!  I’ll only eat one instead of 2, I will drink only water (I just purchased my Brita Water bottle last night so I can drink plenty of water) and I will walk, walk, walk.   Then, the day I get home, I will get right back on my eating plan.  I will not be held hostage by a diet!!  If I gain a pound or two, I’m all right with that because I know that I will take it back off!

If you are struggling with weight issues, or other kinds of issues, stop the struggle!!  Figure out a way to get past it.  Figure out what will work for you.  Give yourself permission to fail once in a while, because none of us are perfect and if we aren’t failing….quite honestly I don’t think you’re trying hard enough!

Have a super weekend!!

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One comment on “A Month Ago…

  1. Yay, Monica!! Congratulations! And I applaud your attitude about the Happiest Place on Earth and eating there. When you read my book, Eat Healthy…Most of the Time! you will find that your conclusions are the same as mine; that’s why I call it the counter-culture nutrition book. It was fun reading about someone who has had the same “revelation.” Far too often what I read is about so-called super foods, or eat this and not that, etc. In other words, no responsibility, or “a slave” to a diet or weight loss. Thank you for sharing.

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